hurting...

I know this has nothing to do with school or... well... anything really, but, I really want to cry. I'm not gonna say why i wanna cry, but i just wished it would stop happening. because it's happening right in front of my eyes and i cant do anything to stop it and it's hurting me. it's hurting me badly. the tears are beginning to fall. i feel if i let them keep falling, i wont be able to control it. and i really don't wanna cry in front of the problem. nothing might be the same after today... it's killing me. I'm suffering, sitting here in this room. I wanna try to stop it but i cant because i know for a fact that it would be wrong of me to say anything. god, just please PLEASE let it stop... :'l

Poem inspired by Sleep-The Roots

bee. bee. my honey bee. there she goes. my honey bee. sleep has left me. the dreams are gone. and i don't miss them. and i don't wish them... on anyone else. that thief... he stole the prayer i keep. where'd he go? im so tired... dead tired...

my mind has been playing tricks of deceit on me. how can i think straight? when history repeats itself... the thought of the past following me. i wish the past would just stay in the past... but except for my family. will they even remember me, if i was to ever return? i've gone from all but a man to a simple memory. someone help me... tell me if you will remember me... i cant think straight. what ever happened to who i was? my life is unresolved, i don't know where to go. in a battle of defeat, my dreams would win over sleep. like when autumn leaves... fall... down from the trees. they fall in defeat. a battle won. its better than none. the leaves that survive stay but only for a week... or more. i cant tell yet. but from what i can see, its nothing to fret... over. im so tired... maybe finally i can get some sleep.

sleeping with sirens song review. IF YOU CANT HANG.

okay, so, i love this band so i thought i should do a song review.

if you cant hang, well, i love that song but i think that the introduction is a bit long.

that song though, its pretty awesome. haha. like, it describes one of the girls in my school perfectly xP

what song lyrics best describe my life? i dont know i mean, theres a couple. theres:

check yes, juliet - we the kings

i set fire to the rain- adele

and a couple more that i cant remember the name lol

if i was to die tomorrow and was only able to make one phone call, i would call the guy that i had a crush on or Ronnie Radke. because ronnie is sooooo freakin cute and my crush is cool peoplez and its easy to talk to him sort of lol. but if i just called him out of the blue i think that would make me a bit stalker-ish >_>

if i had an identical twin, what would i do?

if i had an identical twin the very first prank i would pull would be on my boyfriend because i think it would be hilarious. be 2 people at once xD

what is your favorite thing to talk about when you are with your friends?

the main thing me and my friends talk about are the boys we have a crush on or food or us needing money or who's HIT in our school lol

if you could add any interesting feature to your bicycle, what would it be?

ummmm if i could add any interesting feature to my bicycle, it would be a phone or a laptop. a phone to call or text people or a laptop so i can type stories or have a blogging diary of what i see while on the road. and a radio to listen to music ^_^

poem #3. in the end...

the silence surrounds me, pulling me in. i can feel it now, almost as if i've committed a sin. nobody understands. not even you. but how could you understand something that isn't even true? you hid behind the lies for far too long. the truth in the end almost always comes through. i can see the pain in your eyes. do you see it too? the pain and the lies, saying everything else, all except the truth. i hear what you say, as i pass in the halls. the things you whisper, as if they ever even mattered. i can see why you do it. i mean, cant you see it too? the things that you do, expecting that id do it too. that pretty funny if you think about it. ha. the thought of me ever becoming anything like you. you say it because your insecure, isn't it so? how your so insecure. you want me to trust you, but i only trust you as far as i can throw. so in the end, whats gonna happen? are you gonna still gonna be a foe, or a simple girl who was led in the wrong direction, taken under my wing, hoping nothing will happen.

poem#2: the continuation

i see the darkness past the glass from my window. the barrier was held for as long as it could. the glass is breaking, slower and slower. i can feel it coming to a stop, almost like my heart. never to hear a beat again, would just be another start. yeah. another start, a different beginning. a new chapter for someone who will soon find out that they're always winning. the THUMP, THUMP is just like a drum. music to my ears, found crazy by some. but Im not crazy. i never was. i just had a reality of my own. larger than none. i can see past the lies. the tears, the cries. the fears and the rest. nothing makes sense anymore. wait, theres this strange feeling in my chest. a feeling to dance to, something that makes me feel like i can fly to. i don't want it to go away. it will remind me of you. the pain and the loss of everything that will forever be gone. don't leave me. will you come back? please, i beg. come back and nothing will turn red. no. WAIT. the red is clouding my vision. becoming wider and wider. starting at the edges... going towards the rest. what is this strange thing? it looks to be blood. but starting in my eyes? it makes me wanna die. but what if i do die? what if Im already dead? the thought is sending strange signals to my head. someone please come save me! don't let me die. death would be a welcome, but i cant end my life. not yet. its not yet the time. help me out here! will you ever tell me why?

so, i realized that when people try to comment on my blog it doesnt work. like, they just cant comment at all. sooooooooooooooooooooo; if you wanna comment on my blog, then just email me at: pmarquez188@gmail.com

xD

yepp. just go click on that. email me and what not. and you have fun with your life >_>

lol.

Whats one thing you fake all the time?

Whats one thing i fake all the time? Well, i could name a few. But recently, the only thing ive really been faking is my smile. most cant see it, but the ones that can are the very few who ever actually knew me. i cry at night for all the harm thats been done, and all the 'crap' thats been happening in my life. i can fake a laugh, i can fake a smile. i fake a conversation every once and awhile. each day i go through, it gets a bit harder. the temptation is there, im not gonna lie. but will i return to it? that is yet for me to find out. i cant decide whether its wrong or right. the pain has been inflicted, not physically but mentally. i know people who dont fake just one thing, but a bunch. some people fake their whole personality and who they are as people. i dont blame them, i just wish there wasnt people who were so fake on a regular basis. i guess i can get over that, i mean, i have to be the bigger person right? but faking a smile isnt as bad as faking being there for a person or faking a friendship like SOME people do >_>

poem inspired by a song my teacher had people listen to in class

i let the rain wash away all the feelings inside. ive got nothing to hide, out of sight out of mind. the day you left my hands went numb, my heart felt cold, i could've sworn i was deaf. im not deaf. i can hear the difference in my veins. the blood flowing through me doesnt make a sound anymore. the SWOOSH. SWOOSH that i heard when you were here is gone. i doubt if you come back it will ever return. somethings changed inside me. something that can never be fixed. but i guess thats okay. with that, i was being held back anyways. i doubt you'd understand, but then again how could you? i was a dark grey and you were always so cold and blue. id have killed you f i could. drank your blood and made it a part of me. so i can feel you all the time. even when i pee >_>

but enough of the crap, lets get through this together. whenever the day, it'd be better than never. i can hear the rain out my window. coming closer and closer. where did you go? will you tell me when this is over?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

i actually don't >_>

i mean, i just cant anymore. I've witnessed a bunch of relationships falling apart and i don't think that anyone truly finds that 'one' person. i mean, the fact that there's just so much hope in one little myth, its a bit crazy isn't it? i think that people, they're not always completely happy in their relationships. there's always those 1 or 2 faults. but then again, nobodys perfect right? couldn't that be the beauty of love? even loving all of their little mistakes? no, i don't believe in love at first sight. but i do believe that over time, you can fall in love with anyone, given the right reasons. and that any relationships are a thing of beauty. even the ones that are like a battle field. those, well, in the midst of a war zone, there is always that one little flower that was never destroyed. you cant fall in love with someone at first sight. you can have a crush on their personality or like them so much you think its love, but in reality, no love begins with a glance. only a single relationship can be started. and then the rest is for the 2 people to decide.

what qualities do you look for when choosing your friends?

when i have friends, theres really no specific quality that i look for in them. just the simple fact that i know that they'll be there for me is enough. i know some people that have recently proven themselves not true friends, but thats okay, i mean, you cant always expect everyone to be there for you.