i feel like crying, but here, thats almost as bad as dying. the pain and suffering. i feel it all the time. when i walk through the door. the hurt. the pain. isnt it all the same?

so give me a reason why i shouldnt do something stupid tonight? theres no use in trying to put up a fight. i dont even care anymore. its 11:45 at night. why try to deny it? i kissed someone tonight and i liked it. maybe this is MY rebel love song...

are poems meant to rhyme? was there ever a time where they didn't? what if those moments were hidden? did anyone ever stop to think that maybe things were never that neat? I'm writing a poem. it doesn't need to rhyme. I'm only writing it to pass the time...

as my pen hits the paper darkness spills onto the page. im scared to go home. i barely even know the way. do you know the time or the day? i look up and all i see are clouds of grey. for miles wide. i need to know the time. get back to you. i can almost hear you whine. 'Where are you? Are you close?' im suffocating in this darkness. i might begin to overdose. i had no idea what this was about... but now i see. when is the next time i will see you? will you be with me? with my sister? they say three's a crowd, but it doesn't feel like it with your company.

dedicated to my oldest sister who is... god knows where...

... i break through the walls that shield the sounds of my cries... to let people know that im not the one who lies. im not the one who goes around and... tries, to hide, the truth from the inocent peoples eyes. i know the truth. and its enough to break the ties... with the people. nobody can help... the lies are going around like little flies. can you see the lies? or are you one of the flies? going around. spreading despair. like nobody cares. would you dare? do you find that fair?

when friendships end

when friendships end its kinda weird because you know all this information about someone, but yet, you guys arent even talking and like, nobody else knows half the stuff that you know. its kinda frustrating.

cigarettes affect your health because they damage your lungs. alcohol rots the brain and other parts of the body. weed messes with your brain also. it kills your brain cells.

now, i know that most people find these things damaging, but the people who smoke cigarettes, weed, and drink alcohol, find these things helpful in relaxing them and getting them through life. its their little boost. now, i know they probably wont learn better until something tragic happens, but, at least they have some sense left and their own mentality isn't unraveling like it would if they didn't do those things. those people know the consequences, but frankly, they just don't care. at least their HAPPY.

what has been the biggest change in your life the past year?

the biggest change? damn. that would have to be when i started going to union. i became a bit more open minded and like, im more open to doing new things. my life has kind of altered. i mean, some bad things have happened since going to union. ive gotten into bad habits, but, thats just me i guess. i definitely go to taco bell more lol

but thats mainly just because that where union heads go when its really cold or of we're hungry. theres a thing called the 'Union Curse'. its when you go chill with the people from union and then all you wanna do is go back to union more and more and like, thats just all you wanna do. even if your just doing the same thing everyday.

people kept telling me to leave before i got it but sadly, ive already gotten it xD

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

i find it SOO funny how many fake people there are in this school, like w2, its so annoying though. like, you cant just say what you have to say to a persons face? instead you go and talk about them behind their back? WTF TYPE OF BS IS THAT? like really, i woulda though the people in this school were better than that, but i guess not. its back out to union now, because i really cant deal with all this drama. like w2.

-SIGH-

sometimes, i just wish there was a place where i could escape. get away from reality, and all the retardedness that comes with it. sometimes, i just wish that i could evaporate into thin air. but we cant always have what we want. things just seem to be harder than they should be. nobody can get what they want. sometimes i wonder why life was like that. why cant life just be easier, maybe just a bit simple? but, how boring would life be if there were no obstacles to overcome? for me, life would be pretty dull. it'd be the same thing everyday. but then again, we'd be living in a 'too safe' enviroment. a place where nobody was scared that one day there might be a random shooting in their neighborhood. but how many peoples lives would be saved if they couldjust disappear into thin air, and just escape. i almost always wish i could escape from reality so i didn't have to deal with the truth of it all. but i definitely know that's not the way to go anymore.

A window opens, it’s you 3 years ago, what advice do you give yourself?

what advice would i give myself from 3 years ago?

well, try not to get into any of the stuff I've gotten into now. try to keep a relationship going longer than what i normally do, never talk to a guy named zomby because he put me through a lot of emotional damage and thats when i was diagnosed depressed. learn how to keep a relationship going longer, don't do drugs, try to keep my parents to trust me, and learn how to save money better. <3